Grown Woman

Grown Woman - Beyoncé

I've thought a little bit about womanhood in the past, although this month I put a little extra thought into it. I know we're technically in February and I should be moving on to a different theme, but I believe it's important to finalize what I want to say on the subject. To give an idea of how I proceeded in my exploration, here are some questions I used to guide myself. What is womanhood? Is it important to emphasize the use of this term? Could it simply be adulthood?

Firstly, I'd like to clarify the definition of this word that can sometimes be very vague to some. Womanhood means the state or condition of being women. It defines women as a whole, a collectivity. It also stands for women who are no longer girls. Basically, this word signifies maturity, aging and the responsibility of women in general.

Now that that's out of the way, let's carry on to our main analysis. Though, adulthood and womanhood are very similar in their form, I believe there should be a slight differentiation between the two. On one hand, we have a term that includes the world population. There's nothing wrong with that, except that women have a particular status in society that should be pondered upon more.

To me womanhood is about understanding the position of women in society and sharing our knowledge about it with others. It is a way of taking a stand against the unrealistic standards of our society and distancing ourselves from them by doing whatever we have to do. I see this concept as a informal solidarity group for women around the world. It serves the purpose of encouraging each other and uplifting ourselves into a position of fulfillment and richness. Therefore, I think transitioning into womanhood is very important, because it is like signing a paper saying: "I will encourage my peers and not feel subjected to follow all of our societies norms."

I would also like to particularly emphasize the idea of transition. Womanhood and adulthood is all about evolving and change, it isn't a level up in Mario Bros. It might sound obvious to some, but it wasn't to me at first. I often expect things to change drastically from one day to another without any effort, but that's unrealistic. If we want change, there is an effort that has to be put into it. That is valuable for anything in life. It's also something I'm working very hard on lately. Thus, to fully flourish in womanhood, one must await to put energy into it. Miracles are rare.

On a last note, i'd like to share an observation I would of never thought about if it weren't for this article by Junot Diaz. It shows probably one of the only advantages there is to be placed second in society. To paraphrase what he says in his short text, Junot says women have a bigger point of view on society. We are born into a world were we are taught the mentality of white, cis-gender, heterosexual men (WCHM). Consequently, everyone outside that category has the advantage of having both the experience of the average WCHM and their own. He develops his point of view through literature, saying women create more refined characters because of their larger acknowledgement of what surrounds them. Basically, this is a great example that shows that it's possible to use our disadvantages to elevate ourselves.

All and all, being a woman can be amazing if we learn to work in solidarity, and if we encourage each other to take a stand in a world where women are still seen as unequal to men. I would also like to add that this idea of unity is applicable to any group of people who face inequality in this world; people of color, transgender people, Native Indians, you name it! Be curious and discover what others have to say about their experience in society.

Ending Self Hatred

The last few years haven't been the brightest for me. Now, that I feel more confident though, I can say those years helped me to discover more about myself and others. Throughout the time I was filling low, I felt a lot of self hatred, but I never knew where this profound hatred came from. Part of it was probably due to biological reasons, but now that I think about it, there was definitely a part of it that was due to our society's ideas.

In fact, I can assure a lot of this negative energy fueled in girls and women are a result of our patriarchal system. As the Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, says so well in Beyoncé song Flawless: "You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man." I think this quote is very important to reflect upon because women are asked to follow many contradictory ideas. We encourage women to aim high in life, but not high enough to take away a guy's power. I feel as if I can never truly be proud of my accomplishments because I'd be seen as a bragging b*tch. On the other hand, a guy is often encouraged to show off their success. This to me is irreverent.

It also comes back in a lot of other aspects of life too; for example: women's sexuality. We are not in a position to do as we please with our bodies. The media only shows a women's sexuality that is there to accommodate the male viewer. This also explains why women are often seen only for their appearance and not their opinion. A good example of this idea is presented in the movie Miss Representation, where Jennifer Siebel shows that the media talks more about how Hillary Clinton looked old and tired in her last campaigns instead of actually talking about what she had done and was planning to do. Basically, women are considered as "equal" in the constitution because it would be politically incorrect not too, but women are still behind men.

This might sound a little "extreme" to some, but this was a very important revelation to me, because girls are not taught to take themselves seriously. They aspire to become big shots, but only a hand full of women actually make it to the top. Does that sound like equality to you? No. After I realized that, another question came into mind. What is actually stopping women from doing what they want?

I did a lot of research, and many writings came to the same conclusion: we teach girls and women to care about their appearance waaaay too much. They have to be skinny, but if they're too skinny, they're "anorexic". They have to have a big bottom and big boobs, but not too big or else they're fat. I mean isn't that a contradiction in itself. They have to be promiscuous, but not too much or else they're sluts. "You have to have ambition, but not too much". The quote sums it up pretty well. Girls are basically taught to focus on their physic instead of their leadership.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, source: The Guardian

This causes a big problem because these contradictions make women obsessed over a beauty standard they will never obtain anyways. In our society, women are like hamsters running in a wheel while the men take the lead. No wonder there is so much self hatred among women. I was always told to not open up my mouth too much, but I am sick of standing in front of my mirror thinking about how I can make myself look prettier or how to lose more weight. I am sick of having to constantly put myself down. Yes, I do think I'm pretty and smart, and I am proud of that. Why should I be ashamed of that? Why should I be ashamed to be confident? Wasn't that what I was told to be anyways? Oh, right! Confident, but not too confident, they said.

From all this reflection, I've made a resolution promising myself that I would end all my self hatred. I have worked hard to become the woman I am today and I don't see why I should be putting myself down. I do not want my body and thoughts to be controlled by anybody but me, and I think this should be true for everyone, men included. I also believe we do not leave enough space for girls to grow. Therefore, I encourage everyone to teach girls and women to be leaders and not some hamster running around in circles.