I'm a Fool 'Bout My...

Spoonful Blues - Charley Patton

This month has been by far one of my most sociable Decembers in years. I've been seeing my friends and staying connected to a lot of people. Most of all, I've been staying cheerful which makes a big difference.

I don't tell myself to be happy. I've learned to prefer using "cheerful" because it shows a certain optimism without having to feel ecstatic. This has helped me a lot to feel better when I have the blues. It also helps me to surround myself with equally cheerful people.

After trying to be alone, I've come to realize too that the winter is definitely not the best season to test solitude. It's dark out; what I need is warmth and light. That's why I've been very active lately and also very attentive to what my body tells me, so I don't overdo anything.

On the other hand, I think I do have the capacity to be alone more now, because I feel better about myself. I wouldn't of been able to stay cheerful and lonesome in the past, so this is a big step for me.

With all of that in mind, I think a little bit more alone time would of helped me being more creative in the way I dress and it would of also forced me to be assiduous in the documentation of my outfits.

Day 21

Day 22

Day 23

Day 25

Day 26

Day 27

Day 32

Day 34

Day 37

Day 38

Under your Trees I Forget about Me

Swan Pond - Julie Doiron

Being alone is a conflicting idea to me. I've never felt any problem with it; at least not for short periods of time. Indeed, I very much enjoy being alone at home for days and days. I feel like I can be creative and have control over my life. It gives me a sense of space, and honestly, if I were to move out any time soon, I'd live on my own, because the idea of others being in my space, my cocoon, bothers me. 

The idea of solitude makes me feel safe. There is no judgment from the world. I can do what I want. I can lie down on the floor and just stare at the ceiling. Or even better, I can pretend to be a Noh actress walking around each room and dancing. I can also just be totally lazy once and a while without feeling guilty. Basically, being alone gives me the right to totally weird out and do what I want.

As much as I like my solo time, there are still cons to it. I mean there's a reason why solitude and loneliness are often synonyms. In fact, I like to think of myself as being part loner and part social butterfly. I love being on my own, but I also don't like being totally confronted with myself. There are parts of me that still scare me, and staying isolated from others sheds light into corners I don't want to see. I think a lot of people feel that way though. That's why I think it's healthy to see others. It makes me feel stimulated and good about myself. I also have the opportunity to laugh and talk about anything I want. It's very exciting and sometimes makes it hard for me to want to be alone.

All in all, being alone remains a world of duality. On one hand, I feel free, but on another level, it gives me too much time to pick on old scabs. I guess what's important is to create a balance between the two. I can easily spend three days alone, but after I do enjoy the company of my dear friends. 

Bernini's Caricature of Pope Innocent XI 

Wardrobe

Yellow Flicker Beat - Lorde

Did I say I would post outfit pictures every week? I hope not, because I'm really behind. I've been trying my best document everything, but I do admit not being a big fan of everyday selfies. They make me feel a bit self conscious. Anyways, here is what I wore up to the 20th day. I also added a bonus picture of my costume for the Rocky Horror Picture Show last month. I hope you enjoy this self portraits. 

Day 6

Day 7

Day 8 (Birthday!)

Day 9

Day 13

Day 14

Day 15

Day 18 

Day 20

Inspiration:

Dita Von Teese

80's Celebrities Against Austerity

Karma Chameleon - Culture Club

For a little while now, the Quebec government has been trying to make budget cuts in public services with numerous austerity measures. They have been targeting the public transportation system, the health system, our education system, our cultural heritage; people who don't have any political power, people who are minorities, people with mental disabilities, people with handicaps. These austerity measures also have an impact on the environment.

This is outrageous, because our whole society shouldn't be affected by a small percent of greedy people. Almost everyone in Quebec is affected by this. Actually, EVERYONE is affected, because if we're ruining the environment, we're ruining everything.

The list of reasons why these measures shouldn't be put into action is very long, but I wanted shed some light on the overall situation. This cause is important to me. That's why on October 31st, my college was on strike and we demonstrated with thousands of other students and workers.

It was a fun day! It was Halloween, so everyone dressed up and demonstrated in a festive manner. My two friends and I decided to dress up as 80's celebrities. B. was David Bowie, S. was Cindy Lauper and I was Boy George (only one person recognized my costume, but that's fine!) Anyways, it was a nice day. All my friends were there and I walked through parts of Montreal I had never scene before. It was beautiful.

I've been wanting to share some pictures since, but I almost forgot. So here are a few pictures that portray the absolute opposite of solitude. October 31st was a day of solidarity for me. We came together to show the government that it is impossible to silence 7, 903, 001 people.

For some reason our faces look really weird on this picture. I guess the image got too compressed. Sorry about that!

Solitude

I'm going to be honest with you. I don't like the beginning of December. I know a lot of you might enjoy getting excited over the winter holidays. To me though, it's the time of the year where I start having the winter blues. I spend a lot of time alone and, I blame myself for being lazy and antisocial. It's not the healthiest way of living, but I've made it into a habit year after year. Therefore, I thought December would be the perfect occasion to explore the idea of solitude: solitude as an unhealthy mental state and solitude as an introspective experience.

Throughout the month, I will try making a short film and take pictures of my personal experiences. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this new playlist.

Solitude from Imogen.Andersen on 8tracks Radio.

What a Beautiful Year!

It was my birthday a little over a week ago and I made a video. If you know me already, you are probably aware that I am a nostalgic person that loves to collect an infinity of things (objects, memories, anything really). That is why I have been keeping track of my everyday memories through videos for the last two years. I made a first "short film" for my 17th birthday, and now that I'm 18, I thought I'd share the one I did to document the last year.

Honestly, I found it hard to edit this time. The year before I turned 17, I spent a lot of time alone. I filmed myself through all my everyday routines and, my ups and downs. It was easy, because there wasn't any distraction from what was around me. On the other hand, I wasn't feeling well either which helped me isolate myself from others. These past twelve months though were totally different; I had a flourishing social life and a thriving self-confidence. Because of all the stimulation, it was harder to focus on this personal project.

When I started editing, it felt as if everything was all over the place. I was so unsatisfied with the final result of the video that I almost decided to abandon. But soon after, I realized my life has been going all over the place, so it's perfectly normal for the project to seem the same way. I altered a few things to make it better and this is what I ended up with. I hope you enjoy it.

Beauty and Dance

I hadn't planned on writing tonight. But since I haven't posted anything in over a week, I thought I owed it to you, and to myself, to share certain things I pondered upon throughout the last few days. As the month has been going by, I've been thinking more and more about the concept of beauty. I had many ideas and opinions of what it could be, but it was only after watching Wim Wenders' Pina that it all fell into place. In fact, I realized that beauty goes way farther than appearance. It is something intangible that our mind creates. I believe there are two (or more) ways of seeing beauty. One is may be more instinctive and the other emotional.

On one hand, we might say beauty is a way to label things around us; to differ, for example, a good mate from a bad one. This instance is a concept that is, in some sorts, related to Darwin's theory of evolution. He believed biological characteristics change throughout many generations to ensure the survival of a specie. This "survival of the fittest" is maintained when strong gene pools are kept together. Therefore, it would be logical that, as primates, we choose a mate that is healthy and strong. In other words, beauty would be described as an innate mechanism to differentiate a good breeding partner from a less effective one.

As much as I believe this theory is logical, I do think there is a deeper, more philosophical aspect to this subject. I don't know if this ever happened to you, but sometimes, I feel in total awe of everything around me. It is as if beauty is a feeling that can constantly fluctuate. Everyone has there own way of experiencing how they feel; that might explain why we all see beauty differently. I say this, but I do think the use of the word "feeling" isn't totally on point. When watching the movie Pina, there were many dancers saying how Pina Bausch transcended beauty through her choreographies. This is something I relate to a lot, because, to me, the only way to translate the actual meaning of beauty is by dancing. While I dance, I translate my feelings and that to me is beautiful. Basically, beauty is something we develop throughout our lives and that might change through time. It is like a feeling, but never actually is one.

Essentially, I think the concept of beauty is separated into the innate notion of beauty and the emotional idea of beauty. I also think that what we consider as beautiful is highly influenced by society. Are things pretty because we think they are pretty, or because we were taught they were pretty? That is an other question I will answer another time though, but any way, some things will always be beautiful. Am I right?

You Look Good

Clint Eastwood - Gorillaz

Clothes have always been an important component to expressing myself. I think of it of now as an extension of my creativity. Every morning I try to find a way to look nice. Obviously, my idea of pretty outfits has changed throughout the years. It's like fashion. Five years ago, people (including myself) laughed at 90's fashion, and now people try their best to replicate it. Isn't that strange? It went from being stylish to "unstylish", and then, finally it came back into fashion. This conception of beauty makes absolutely no sense! 

I often criticized other people for having a "bad" fashion sense, but honestly that was a simplistic way of seeing it. Beauty through clothing is complex. I think we should make a difference between personal taste and thinking others don't have style. A person could think they look great and you might disagree, but that's totally fine, because beauty and inspiration changes from person to person. You're goal should be to respect that and not to bash it ('cause that's way to easy!)

I was lucky no one ever really said anything about my way of dressing throughout the years. I have been pretty free to do whatever I wanted. This helped me a lot to explore my creativity. Sometimes, I created what I thought were masterpieces, and other days I felt like a clown. Now that I look back on that, I think: "What's wrong with being a clown?" John Waters puts this idea into words really well in his book, Role Models, where he encourages people to explore there personal style by dressing as ugly as possible, so you can explore the whole spectrum of the clothing world. I thought that was very inspiring. Although I haven't put this concept into action yet, I do take it into consideration.

What I'm trying to say here is that no matter how a person dresses, you should be respectful. That person made the choice to dress a certain way and no one should criticize them for their looks. I want to make a particular emphasis on women who might be seen as provocative dressers. The way she dresses does not dictate her sexuality or who she is. Basically, please don't slut-shame, or should I say: Do not shame anyone for expressing themselves the way they want. Also, have fun!

On that note, here are the first outfits of my wardrobe challenge.

Day 1

Day 2

Day 3

Day 5

Note: Day 4 is missing because I was to darn lazy. I was pretty much wearing a pyjama-like outfit.

Bonus:  Old time outfit! #Fab!

Beauty

Happy November! It's already day six and I didn't even notice. A thing I did notice though is the time change. (Gotta love them time changes!) I haven't been sleeping enough and I've been hoping this would help because every time I tried writing a post in the last few days, I just fell asleep. Nevertheless, here I am, kind of awake, to announce this month's theme. If you're a little shrewd you have guessed it already. Yes, this month, I will be exploring Beauty.

Aaah, what a bizarre thing that is beauty. It always bewildered me. Is beauty something innate or is it something we have learned from society? Is it possible to perceive beauty without anyone telling you what it is? I will think about it this month and try to answer these questions the best I can. There will also be a video coming out for my birthday and many pictures of outfits.

Speaking of clothing, I have challenged myself to wear every item in my wardrobe to create a different outfit everyday until I run out of stuff. I will share pictures once a week. I worn you though, it might not always be mind-blowingly beautiful. Wait! You chose if it's beautiful! Because no one should have a say in it.

Hope no one has gotten the winter blues yet. If so, listen to these wonderful songs to cheer up!

Beauty from Imogen.Andersen on 8tracks Radio.

Ending Self Hatred

The last few years haven't been the brightest for me. Now, that I feel more confident though, I can say those years helped me to discover more about myself and others. Throughout the time I was filling low, I felt a lot of self hatred, but I never knew where this profound hatred came from. Part of it was probably due to biological reasons, but now that I think about it, there was definitely a part of it that was due to our society's ideas.

In fact, I can assure a lot of this negative energy fueled in girls and women are a result of our patriarchal system. As the Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, says so well in Beyoncé song Flawless: "You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful, but not too successful. Otherwise, you will threaten the man." I think this quote is very important to reflect upon because women are asked to follow many contradictory ideas. We encourage women to aim high in life, but not high enough to take away a guy's power. I feel as if I can never truly be proud of my accomplishments because I'd be seen as a bragging b*tch. On the other hand, a guy is often encouraged to show off their success. This to me is irreverent.

It also comes back in a lot of other aspects of life too; for example: women's sexuality. We are not in a position to do as we please with our bodies. The media only shows a women's sexuality that is there to accommodate the male viewer. This also explains why women are often seen only for their appearance and not their opinion. A good example of this idea is presented in the movie Miss Representation, where Jennifer Siebel shows that the media talks more about how Hillary Clinton looked old and tired in her last campaigns instead of actually talking about what she had done and was planning to do. Basically, women are considered as "equal" in the constitution because it would be politically incorrect not too, but women are still behind men.

This might sound a little "extreme" to some, but this was a very important revelation to me, because girls are not taught to take themselves seriously. They aspire to become big shots, but only a hand full of women actually make it to the top. Does that sound like equality to you? No. After I realized that, another question came into mind. What is actually stopping women from doing what they want?

I did a lot of research, and many writings came to the same conclusion: we teach girls and women to care about their appearance waaaay too much. They have to be skinny, but if they're too skinny, they're "anorexic". They have to have a big bottom and big boobs, but not too big or else they're fat. I mean isn't that a contradiction in itself. They have to be promiscuous, but not too much or else they're sluts. "You have to have ambition, but not too much". The quote sums it up pretty well. Girls are basically taught to focus on their physic instead of their leadership.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, source: The Guardian

This causes a big problem because these contradictions make women obsessed over a beauty standard they will never obtain anyways. In our society, women are like hamsters running in a wheel while the men take the lead. No wonder there is so much self hatred among women. I was always told to not open up my mouth too much, but I am sick of standing in front of my mirror thinking about how I can make myself look prettier or how to lose more weight. I am sick of having to constantly put myself down. Yes, I do think I'm pretty and smart, and I am proud of that. Why should I be ashamed of that? Why should I be ashamed to be confident? Wasn't that what I was told to be anyways? Oh, right! Confident, but not too confident, they said.

From all this reflection, I've made a resolution promising myself that I would end all my self hatred. I have worked hard to become the woman I am today and I don't see why I should be putting myself down. I do not want my body and thoughts to be controlled by anybody but me, and I think this should be true for everyone, men included. I also believe we do not leave enough space for girls to grow. Therefore, I encourage everyone to teach girls and women to be leaders and not some hamster running around in circles.

When I Feel Alive

Scenic World - Beirut

(Warning: Lower the volume!)

Fall often means the end of summer to a lot of people, but to me it means that the trees are going to do their dance of colors and apples will grow. In kindergarden, they would bring me apple picking. It was so much fun it made me want to do it every year. It's just so nice to go out for a day with your family or friends and pick these beautiful fruit. You get to eat them as you go or you can decide you want to fill your bag up as much as possible.

This year, I didn't have anyone to go with, so I posted a status on Facebook asking who would have the kindness of driving me to an orchard and letting me run around. I was so happy to see I wasn't the only one that wanted to. I organized the ride with one of my friends and we went with his family and our friends. I'm sure glad I went! I'm not a traditional girl but I like my traditions!

It's good to absorb as much sunshine as possible before the long nights come. By the end of November, I'm already feeling heavy-hearted, so this last glimpse of sunshine is what I need to push me to be cheerful. Dance has also helped me a lot with that. I might start a class feeling unhappy, but by the end of it, I will be full of joy. It's like a dose of happiness medicine. Same with the apples! I mean there must be a reason why the saying says: "an apple a day keeps the doctor away."